A recent experience made me re-think the way which I normally conduct inquiries and relate to people on the other end of cyberspace. In order to file a grant application, it was necessary to acquire a farm tract number. Farm tract numbers are assigned through the Farm Service Agency which is a county-level office, in each state but part of the USDA. You probably remember Hank Kimble from Green Acres, who was the county agent. Here is a classic exchange of dialog:
Oliver Wendell Douglas: How do they determine how much State Farm Unattached Duty Tax you owe?
Hank Kimball: Well, they take your acreage and - well, they don't take your acreage unless you didn't pay the tax bill. They have a computer with a stack of cards, and each card has a taxpayer's name on it. In your case it would be, uh - well, whatever your name is. Each card has holes punched in it. This is done at the State Department of Hole Punching. Three men work there - the Head Hole Puncher, the Assistant Head Hole Puncher, and his brother-in-law.
Oliver Wendell Douglas: Which one punched the holes in your head?
Very funny material but sometimes, comedy mimics reality. I wished to search the form data base, to which I was directed from http://www.nrcs.usda.gov (Natural Resources Conservation Service) to see if there was a farm tract number application on-line. That site suggested that I apply for an e-mail account at the e-QIP website (Electronic Questionnaires for Investigations Processing). That link took me to OPM.gov (Office of Personnel Management). I answered questions, set up a user name and password, and when finished, a message said basically, that in an hour I would receive an e-mail, which would require me to go to the local FSA office and see the LRA (Local Registration Authority), to be vetted. I had applied for a Level 2 account that would allow us to submit forms electronically.
Well the e-mail never came, so after 24 hours I tried to go back to the beginning and was told that my request was pending. Not wishing to wait, I applied for a level 1 account which would allow me to search the data base. I answered more questions, set up a different username and password, and submitted. I was to receive a confirmation e-mail in an hour…nothing after ten days.
So what is the bottom line since I still need a farm tract number? This Monday I will drive to 2070 Northbrook Blvd., Suite A-8, North Charleston, SC 29406, and ask the local FSA Agent if there is such a form available on line. I suspect they will tell me, “There is but you need an account first!”
I will keep you posted. At least I didn’t buy the Haney Place.